November 10th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 11:02 am

15:50 I adore my nephews, but this Seattle wknd was a strong reminder to never impregnate anybody. Unclehood is way more painless than fatherhood. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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November 9th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 11:02 am

20:51 This is weird. My mom just informed me that she made moonshine from the blackberries in my sister's backyard & asked me to test it. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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November 7th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 11:05 am

00:30 Partying in Seattle with my one-month-old nephews. And by "party," I mean watching them fart and poo like grizzly bears. So damn proud. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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November 6th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 11:06 am

14:35 When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. This week, life gave me herpes. Time to make herpes juice. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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October 19th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:07 am

18:27 Waitress @ Nanbankan just asked us, "Are you sure you can eat all that?" She looked genuinely concerned when we nodded yes. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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October 15th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:04 am

12:40 The Benny Hill-ifier adds the exalted Benny Hill soundtrack to any Youtube video, like this one: tinyurl.com/yh9hqyy # Posted via my Twitter account.

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October 10th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:00 am

01:30 So according to the rabbi, I'm looking at the world through tired eyes. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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October 7th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:04 am

12:00 Damn you, waking up. I am the complete opposite of a morning person. Which would make me a morning plant. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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October 5th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:09 am

22:24 Just witnessed the longest pee ever achieved by a dog. If you combined the movies in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, that's how long it was. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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October 1st, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:01 am

14:00 I've come to the conclusion that whoever said 'the best things in life are free' probably stole a lot of shit. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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September 30th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:01 am

11:18 My sister just gave birth to two more boys! 6 lbs & 7 lbs. She's already stockpiled Jane Austen novels to combat the excess testosterone. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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September 28th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:01 am

17:26 Stanford (3-1) now has a better record than the Steelers (1-2). Everything is suddenly backward. The world is one big Kriss Kross outfit. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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September 26th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:01 am

12:50 This has already been an eventful week & there are still 35 hours left in the cup. Do I sip & savor the rest or slam it with a Stoli chaser? # Posted via my Twitter account.

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September 22nd, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:00 am

15:10 The Moken language has no words for "hello," "farewell," "when," "take," "want," & "worry." I have 97 words for "pooping." I win! # Posted via my Twitter account.

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September 17th, 2009

Subject: Tiny, Little Chunks Of My Existence. Time: 10:01 am

03:12 Sleep should be extremely easy. Step 1 - Assume a horizontal position. Step 2 - Close eyes. Yet sometimes it's harder than brain surgery. # Posted via my Twitter account.

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