This morning I stepped on the scale and discovered that I now weighed almost ten pounds less than I did a month ago. Funny thing is I've been shoveling the same amount of food into my belly, and it's not healthier, leafier food either. So how did I lose ten pounds? I can attribute my weight loss to two things:
Exercise: Primarily pushups, as well as situps and long-distance masturbating, 'cause I still can't motivate myself to sign up with a gym.
Vodka: Primarily Goose, although I've never been able to turn down a Patron shot, as that would be most ungracious.
I've been giving my body a steady dosage of both for 2006, and it's been working so far. I think I'll be content once I hit the upper 170's pounds-wise. Any lower than that and I'd be forced to give up one of the two components of my ingenious "Pushups and Grey Goose" diet.
Obviously I'd give up exercising.
AND ONE MORE THING ...
Don't forget that tonight's four episodes of Arrested Development will be its very last ... unless it gets picked up by ABC or Showtime.