May 10th, 2002


The Land Of Yellowtail Sushi and Loincloth Orgies.

Had sushi with Aileen, Chuck, Rog, Ophelia, T and Rina over at Hide. The sushi there is not only mindnumbingly good, but it’s fucking cheap – almost half what you’d pay at other sushi joints.

But if you think about it, how the hell did uncooked fish slapped on a ball of rice get expensive anyway? Those Japanese are geniuses … at least when it comes to suckering you into overpaying for raw seafood. But I’m still not too keen as to why the guys over there like wearing diapers.

Rina was in a great mood. One of her clients, Will, just got selected to be the token Asian in "People" magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People issue. I’m still not sure what Rina does for a living, but every year they pick one Asian celebrity to make the quota, like Russel Wong, Ming-Na Wen and Chow-Yun Fat.

Rina announced that Will was the first Korean-American to make the list, so I was happy for the guy. But I had no idea who the hell he was. Maybe he was the long-haired balding dude with the goatee who always plays a henchman in about half of all action movies ever made, from "Die Hard" to "Black Rain." Rina informed me that Will used to be in some syndicated show called "Witchblade," and was cast alongside Rick Yune to be one of the evil Koreans in the next James Bond flick.

Last year you could tell "People" was starting to run out of big name Asian candidates, because they ended up picking a Chinese chef with his own cooking show. Sad. This year they were really scraping by choosing an unknown actor who hasn’t starred in anything. So who the hell are they going to pick next year…

PEOPLE EDITOR 1: Okay, we’ve got 49 of the most Beautiful People of 2003 so far. Now how ‘bout the mandatory Asian slot? Who do we have there?

PEOPLE EDITOR 2: Well all we could find was Kobe Tai the porn star, Mu Shu the Chinese guy who gives massages on that street corner in Soho…

PEOPLE EDITOR 1: Oh he’s good. His fingers take me to magical places…

PEOPLE EDITOR 2: And the last choice is somebody called naka-chan on

PEOPLE EDITOR 1: Who the fuck is that? Is she a porn star too?

PEOPLE EDITOR 2: It’s a he. It says here that his page has got like156,000 hits and is filled with poignant entries revealing a certain vulnerability about his sexual identity.

PEOPLE EDITOR 1: Screw poignant. Let’s go with the Chinese massage guy.