The Lakers had been playing quite shittily for most of the season, so it was reassuring to see them blow past the Kings in Game 1 like a bullet through wet tissue. Being a fan of teams that have constantly set me up for heartache and gut-wrenching despair – like the Steelers and Stanford – I’m glad to have at least one team that I can depend on to win it all with very few stress-related ulcers.
Saturday night’s party was a letdown in many people’s eyes. Jack rented out a restaurant in downtown and started sending out mass emails a few weeks beforehand. He was expecting maybe 500 or more people, but less than half that showed up. On the bright side, that meant more Grey Goose for everybody. And when that happens, you end up with pictures like the ones below (There's a good chance the images won't pop up, in which case feel free to use your imagination you sick bastards)...
I think my friend on the right wanted a threesome, but I would have none of it. Quite frankly I think it’s morally wrong to have sex with less than three women at the same time.
Two previously heterosexual friends find a unique yet effective way to out each other.
As the two women attack, my friend quickly employs one of the moves he learned in his nipple self-defense class.
You can imagine my joy at the end of the evening when it miraculously began to rain crystal meth.
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