June 27th, 2002


Why Advertising Doesn't Always Get You Laid

The creative director is gone all week at a photo shoot in the Sierra Nevadas, which unfortunately means I’ve been stuck here at the office as the substitute boss. What this entails is on top of my normal duties (which, during this slow week, consisted of surfing the Web and eating cookies), I also have to assign teams to new projects and, worst of all, approve shit.

Sometimes I wonder if I ever want to be a creative director simply because I hate approving shit so much. Other people get a hard-on doing it, because of the power trip involved. But I went into advertising mainly to create … and for the free snacks. And the hot chicks.

Although to be honest, I’ve yet to get laid because of advertising. Never hooked up with a coworker – even though ad agencies are hotbeds of hotties - because I’ve never been comfortable with the idea of dating at work. And I’ve never hooked up with a model or actress at any of my shoots, because my dumb ass never comes up with ads that feature tons of luscious swimsuit models…

CLIENT: So what ads are you presenting this time? Hopefully ads with Playboy Playmates wearing thongs. Because we absolutely have to do ads with thong-wearing Playmates.

ME: Uh, no … this campaign features retired accountants sitting around a table, eating clam chowder.

CLIENT: But, but we’re a lingerie company.

ME: Well I only come up with advertising that feature old men with hair coming out their ears. Sorry. If you want a copywriter who only casts beautiful actresses with sexual addiction problems, I’m not your guy.