July 24th, 2002


"Sex and the City", And The Men Who Watch It.

Jill threw a “Sex and the City” premiere party at her place. Surprisingly half the people who showed up were guys, who were then rewarded with nipple shots of three of the four characters. Scratch that – they used stunt tits for Miranda’s breastfeeding scenes, but who cares, ay? I don’t think there’s a single HBO-watching male on this planet who finds Miranda lustworthy. They all seem to gravitate toward Charlotte, who finally exposed a boob … but it was really no big deal.

After all, they may be nipples, but they’re 40-year-old nipples (Although Samantha’s mammaries have managed to stay perky. One could chalk this up to good genes, good surgeon, or good bra-wearing habits.). And I don’t care what you females think, when it comes to boobies, men actually do distinguish.

People from the past have been constantly popping up lately. On this day it was Marianne, who used to be Tyler’s woman, off-and-on. Tyler was once a good friend of ours; but after a very unfortunate incident, he got “banished” from the social circle a few years ago. Marianne stayed out of the circle, not because she was being ostracized as well, but because I think she felt that people had lost all respect for her for staying with the guy. They ended it earlier this year, so I guess she was starting to feel a bit more comfortable about mingling with us again. You may be wondering why I even brought up this minor piece of pointless gossip: it’s just so that I could write about something other than “Sex and the Titties.”

After the show ended, Jill stuck in the DVD for “Darrin’s Dance Grooves.” Looking back, I wonder how it happened.

For those of you who don’t own a copy, Britney Spear’s “Crazy” was the beginner stage, but still challenging enough to make you sweat a bit. Nsync’s “Bye Bye Bye” was medium level in terms of difficulty, but the highest level in terms of entertainment value. So yes, this meant that the final and most challenging level – for only the most skilled wannabe backup dancers - was Jordan Knight. Surprising at first, but it makes sense if you think about it. Because the guy was the leader of New Kids on the Block, which essentially makes him the Grand Master of all boy bands.

Of course I wouldn’t know anything about “Darrin’s Dance Grooves” firsthand, because I was chopping wood at the time, or something masculine and un-gay like that.

Our department’s throwing an agency mixer party this Friday. For only the most random of reasons, someone discovered that it fell on some Cuban holiday. So heck, why not make fricking Cuba the theme of our party and call it The Cuban Mixer Crisis? To top it all off, they want everybody to show up wearing Cuba-related costumes. The following is a conversation I had with coworkers while driving to lunch…

FEMALE COWORKER: So what’re you coming as to the party? Fidel Castro? Elian? A cigar?

ME: Only if you’re coming as Monica Lewinsky.

FEMALE COWORKER (Hits me. But not with a lawsuit.): Oh shut up.

ME: Eh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll come as Tony “Scarface” Montana. Now how am I going to sneak in a machine gun to the party?

FEMALE COWORKER: Andy, how ‘bout you?

ANDY: Oh I’m going to put on some brown face paint and wear a towel around my waist.

ME: Good Lord, no. You’re not coming as…

ANDY (Raising arms in triumph.): CUBA Gooding Junior. Show me the money!