August 14th, 2002


Moses Goes Down.

Chucky’s back in town. Back from a two-weeker out in Boston where his beer-chugging butt grew up. While there he spent some quality time with his baby nephew, and then he went and got himself a spankin’ new girlfriend.

For someone who constantly reminds us what a manly man he is ("Cower before the size of my enormous hands!"), the dude falls fast and hard for the ladies. Wait a sec - this just in from the Girl-Who-Liked-Chuck-Too-Much and News Reporter Girl: The dude falls fast and hard for the ladies he really likes.

Yes, you say, but so fricking what? Well what makes Chuck such an amusing case is that, when single, he loves pointing out how whipped his non-single pals are. The Moses of Manhood he is, standing above us wielding the Ten Commandments of How To Handle Yo Biznatches. The image he tries to create is of a man who’s completely impervious to the debilitating powers of pussy.

But as soon as he falls for someone, the boy puts on a leather mask, straps a leash around his neck, and becomes her Gimp. He becomes the most whipped guy of us all, that lovesick puppy.

The girl he fell for lives in New York. We met her about a year ago when she was visiting town with friends. I vaguely remember pulling her aside and asking her if she liked him. I vaguely remember suggesting to her to move to LA and perhaps marry him. I vaguely remember the whiskey shots.

Although she never came back to LA, they kept in touch via AIM. They met again during his Boston trip, whereupon she swept him off his feet, and Chuck pranced through a field of daisies all the way back to LA. I believe he is writing a love letter on scented stationary as we speak.

While having dinner with me and Ophelia, the bastard didn’t rule out the possibility of moving to New York to be with her. I believe that violates Commandment #4: Thou shalt not relocate for a girl. The Moses of Manhood would put a Guinness can in a sock and beat the shit out him for that one.