October 17th, 2002


My Al Queda Vacation

It’s set.

After putting it off for two years, I’m finally heading to Thailand on November 23. Way back then I was hoping to backpack around Southeast Asia for a month or two, like many of my ex-dot-commer friends/acquaintances who suddenly had a lot of free time on their hands.

Well this trip is only going to be a little over two weeks. But you can fit a lot of heavenly beaches, shimmering gold temples, and dart-shooting vagina shows into two weeks. And I have a strong feeling I’ll probably go back again anyway, so it’s more of a preview.

While we’re out there, I hope to be able to take a side-trip out to Cambodia. Specifically Angkor Wat (The photo above is from Ta Prohm, one of the neighboring sites). When I was eight, I saw a short film about a boy who gets lost among the ruins and ends up wandering Angkor Wat with a baby elephant. The place seemed so mystical that I was stunned when my third-grade teacher told me it actually existed and wasn’t something created by shroom-eating Hollywood set designers. I’ve been meaning to go ever since.

Everybody else in our small Thailand trip group was up for it as well. This group consists of T and two of his cousins. Female cousins - which means I might have to scratch the dart-shooting vagina show off the itinerary.

Then the massacre at Bali happened. It was shocking. But not surprising. If history has proven anything, it’s that human beings excel at the two following things: Killing in the name of religion, and depriving the earth of one less paradise.

Now T is uncertain about going to Cambodia. Of course you’d expect T to be paranoid: The pussy was nervous pumping gas in fricking Pasadena, which happens to be over two thousand miles out of the DC sniper’s rifle range. It doesn’t help that PhillyChick is equally terrified about him going. Unfortunately my girlfriend is also nervous about the idea of my going there.

While I understand their concern, I explained to them that they’re over-reacting to a highly publicized event. We’re obviously going to exercise caution when we’re over there, such as avoiding places with lots of white people - kidding. But even if every Al Qaeda bitch in the world was in Cambodia – you know, like a terrorist convention – our odds of being attacked by Koran-spewing nutjobs are so miniscule, it’s pointless being that scared.

The media has a habit of blowing things out of proportion, and the public has a habit of freaking out like the mindless masses we are. More Americans will die this year from bee stings than at the hands of terrorists, but you don’t see everybody screaming at the sight of bees do you? (Well except for Chuck, who’s allergic to them. Man, I wish I had a video camera when we were eating outside Quiznos that one time. I’m talking “America’s Funniest Home Videos” material.)

Luckily T’s cousins are still up for going to Angkor Wat. Somehow they don't share his Genes o' Fear. Hopefully this will shame him into coming along.