January 2nd, 2003



Hope you all enjoyed yourselves on New Year's Eve. I most certainly did , according to most third-party accounts.

T, Jill and Steve threw a big one over at Le Meridien Hotel, and over 500 people showed up to mob the open bars, spill drinks on each other, and curl up in a fetal position while the world spun around their aching little heads.

Party pics, like the Thailand/Cambodia photos, will be posted later. But today is your lucky day as I do have some pictures from last week's Kauai trip (I can already see you excitedly urinate in your panties. And no, you sick bastards, that does not turn me on.) ...

Kauai has a shitload of waterfalls. This one is a cute little fall we came across while kayaking and hiking in one of the jungles. Being an idiot, it never occured to me that jungles were filled with mud and mosquitoes. And chickens, Kauai is crawling with wild chickens. KFC would go out of business here - because why pay for an eight-dollar chicken dinner when you can walk outside and just grab one on your front yard for free?

Yes, yet another waterfall. I think we took about a hundred waterfall pictures on this trip. Didn't think it was possible, but after a while I was just waterfall-ed out. As the saying goes, you can have too much of a good thing, whether it's waterfalls, puppies, anal sex ...

Don't quite know what the deal is with me and dumb-ass poses. This photo finds me having a Hindu moment while collecting chunks of coral out on our resort's beach. Winter waves in Kauai are brutal. Just a few miles up, around the time this picture was taken, a 17-year-old Pennsylvania kid drowned while trying to save his dad, who also died.

This shot of the stunning Na Pali coast was taken from a helicopter. Seeing Kauai from a copter was better than Ezra, but our cabin reeked. At first I suspected that our pilot - who was too terrifyingly old to be operating aircraft - had shit himself. But as soon as we hit turbulence, I realized that the stench was from the vomit of previous passengers. There's no turbulence like helicopter turbulence, ladies and gentlemen. It'd make a houseplant puke. I was able to survive. My girlfriend held it in 'til we landed, then she ran over to an unfortunate bush and laughed liquid.

There's only several hundred of these Hawaiian Monk Seals left. This one was napping a few yards from us on Poipu Beach, when what he should be doing is trying to have as much sex as possible to save his people. Actually, one of the main causes of Monk Seal deaths - I kid you not - is gang bangs, when as many as 20 adult males attempt to bump uglies with a single female.

Waimea Canyon: the poor man's Grand Canyon, although the plane ticket to see this one is a lot more expensive.

Sometimes The Winner Gets Eaten.

But not the contest I'm currently in. So if you've got some time to spare (and if you're reading this, you obviously have oodles) please click here , why don'tcha, and vote for our site.

You'll see it under the "People's Choice 2002 Vote" list of finalists. We're Lexus Minority Report. Thanks.