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Subject:Eating Emmanuel Lewis.
Time:03:33 pm
A while back I compared reality TV to that horrific traffic accident you can’t avert your eyes from, with the flaming, twisted wreck being mankind. Well this year, they went and carpet bombed the 405 during rush hour. Mein Gott, they really jacked up the insanity level, haven’t they? You’ve got “Joe Millionaire”, “Celebrity Mole”, “Am I Hot?” and much, much more Bob!

Did you catch “Man versus Beast?” After the bear finished the hot dogs, I was half-hoping to see him waddle over and eat the Japanese guy. He didn’t, unfortunately, but that doesn’t mean nobody’s getting eaten during this magical season of television. I’ve seen that chunky Motley Crue singer licking his chops every time he glances over at Webster during “The Surreal Life.”

Frankly, I don’t know how they’ll top themselves next year. Maybe a reversal of “Joe Millionaire” called “Jill Hot-Piece-Of-Ass” where a bunch of guys try to woo a Victoria Secret’s model … only to find out later that she’s actually Dick Cheney.

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Speaking of “Joe Millionaire,” I keep getting these emails about rumors of a “second big lie” besides the one that he’s a construction worker posing as a millionaire. The first rumor is that he really is a millionaire. The second is that he’s a hired actor. The third - and most popular one - is that he’s a gay model/masseuse/he-whore.



Granted, that photo is very damning evidence (and a cheap, disturbing ploy to get more women to read my online journal). But us guys do have that player-hating habit of accusing every rich, famous, good-looking man as being gay - as if being rich, famous and good-looking is not something any hetero dude is capable of.

Hell, you don’t even have to be all three – you can just be a Hobbit and have someone brand you as being a man love aficionado* (Click here to check out the site. Quite humorous.). Although can you really blame them for thinking that? I watched the “Lord of the Rings” extended version DVD Thursday night, and it was four hours of watching Hobbits weep. I thought midgets only cried on the inside.

* Let it be known that I’m not a basher of gays. Far from it, the more guys out there that are homosexing, the less dating competition for me … er, that is if I were single … not that I’d ever want to be single, because you know … ah damn, why does my girlfriend read this fricking thing?

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Have you seen the teaser trailer for Tarantino’s “Kill Bill” yet? Well you should. Part Kung Fu Theater, part Shinobi. And squeezing Uma Thurman into Bruce Lee’s yellow “Game of Death” jumpsuit was on the dot. Click here.

And while I’m at it, might as well ask you guys to check out the new Flash site for “Better Luck Tomorrow.” Same drill here.
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[icon] caffeineguy
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