June 18th, 2003


Weekend 1:01

Friday 9:13 pm
I’m having dinner at a soondooboo place with Rog, his girlfriend Ophelia and her very tan friend TanGirl. I love the stuff but my girlfriend can’t stand soondooboo on account of her being the Devil, so tonight was one of the rare opportunities I had to eat it. Not sure how it tasted, because I was so famished that I practically swallowed it whole – then *poof* it was gone like Keyser Soze.

Friday 11:05 pm
Arrived at JC’s pad in Hermosa Beach for his 25th birthday. Don’t know him too well, mainly through his sister who’s an actress friend of mine … but Mein Gott, what a house. Three stories, not including the rooftop deck, with an expansive view of the Pacific. Apparently it was a graduation gift from his parents. After my graduation, my parents got me a 10-week trip to Europe and a used Taurus I named Rodney. I’ll forever be grateful for that backpacking trip, but Rodney (I named that fucker after Rodney King because it was so beat-up. Mostly at my hands.) scarred me for life.

Saturday 4:11 pm
While trying to get to Trick’s Chemistry graduation at UCLA, I decide to take a shortcut through a giant science building and promptly get lost inside its haunted hallways. If I wasn’t in such a hurry, the eerie silence and faintly lit, morgue-like corridors would spook the shit out of me. Every once in a while I run into a confused Jewish or Chinese family that had also made the mistake of walking into that cursed maze of academia. They may all still be there now, drawing straws as to who to eat first. Eventually I find my way out.

Saturday 5:30 pm
Trick’s girlfriend had given us these noise poppers to use when Trick received his diploma. But when I was about to yank the string, I noticed I was sitting directly behind four elderly people. The sudden loud noise might’ve caused them to fall over dead. Or worse, shit their pants and then fall over dead. So I didn’t yank. Later, this guy goes up to pick up some random chemistry award – probably for a scrumptious toothpaste recipe. Nobody claps for the poor bastard. Not even his parents. Just pitiful silence. So I make the decision to yank the string and Bang! the old people fall over dead. But at least Toothpaste Boy feels a little more loved.

Saturday 8:46 pm
For Chuck’s birthday dinner, we decided to check out this steakhouse called Taylor’s. It is the epitome of old school. Red naugahyde booths, fake wood wall paneling, the kind of oil paintings you’d find in a dentist’s lobby. I had a Buick-sized serving of prime rib because I’m Asian like that (And if you’ve been to the Lawry’s on La Cienega, you’d know what I’m talking about.) To top it all off, Rina gives me half of her porterhouse. Sabertooths didn’t eat this much red meat at one sitting.

Sunday 12:30 am
My ass is da-dunka-dunk-drunk. To the left of me, Trick and his buddies are celebrating his Chemistry Ph.D. To my right, Chuck and Co. are doing the b-day party thing. Both have bottles of Patron. Being stuck in the middle, like Poland, I get attacked from both sides with an endless barrage of tequila shots. Prior to that I’d been drinking vodka for the first half of the evening. When they run out of Patron, Trick’s sister hands me beer after beer. Trick’s sister might very well be the only Korean female Apache helicopter pilot in the world. Seriously, this woman flies around and blows up tanks for a living. I can’t turn down the beer.

Sunday 10:15 am
The mixing of beverages was a baaad move. Desegregation doesn't work with alcohol. I pride myself on never getting hangovers – averaging one every 18 months – but the streak is over in a very nauseating way. I call my dad to tell him I can’t go to church with him that morning. “Why?” he asks. “Hungover,” I reply. “Dumbass,” he says. Eventually I muster the strength to get in my car to meet him for Father’s Day lunch. While driving down the 10, I pass the freeway exit where Rina had pulled over last night so I could unload my steak dinner. When we meet up, my dad recommends I order the common Korean hangover remedy, haejangguk. Congealed cow’s blood soup. Thank God it works.

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