July 9th, 2003


Most Importantly, Where Does Jessica Alba Fall In That Pie?


Saw a link to The Match.com Personal Attraction Test on one of peterhuang’s entries, figured “What the hell, I’ve got some time to kill before we leave for dinner,” and clicked on it.

The test took about five minutes, and you’ve got to be on your toes for the first couple of sections because the questions pop up rather quickly, and you’ve got to read and click ‘em before they disappear like Whack-A-Moles.

At the end you get this surprisingly long-ass detailed readout filled with colorful charts, graphs, and statistics that explains how fucking sexy you are from an empirical standpoint. In between you get loads of analysis that kisses your smart, insightful, and successful buttocks and then spanks it by pointing out your "quirks." It concludes by describing your ideal mate. An excerpt from my result's below...

Who You're Looking For…

She'll be an enigma
You're looking for a very balanced woman. She'll have clear goals in life without being a dreamer. You'll both enjoy going out with friends but also love spending quiet times together. She'll manage to balance an objective and rational side with a very compassionate and caring side. On top of that, she'll be a fun and free spirit but still do what she promises and show up on time. Sound too good to be true? Women who are truly balanced like this are rare, but do exist and would be an excellent fit for you.

Overall, it's important for you to be with someone who is almost always cheerful and has an optimistic outlook on life.

Women with the exact type of personality you prefer are rare gems. Looking at over 10,000 women who have taken this test, only 6% (or 1 in 17 women) have the exact combination of similarities and contrasts in personality you find extremely appealing.

And by some minor miracle, one of them happens to fit you perfectly. This woman is your soul mate:

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