July 17th, 2003


Clever Doggy-Style Pun Goes Here.

On August 15, they’re coming out with this new gadget called Bowlingual. The company claims that it can miraculously translate your dog’s barks into human language. Now Muffin can finally speak to you in English without fear of you mocking his thick Spaniel accent.

It’s been out in Japan and Korea for a few months, where they’ve sold almost a million of these things. The wireless microphone snaps onto the dog’s collar as seen below…

The mic transmits sounds to a handheld console that’s linked to a database. The console classifies each woof, yip or whine into six emotional categories -- happiness, sadness, frustration, anger, assertion and desire -- and displays phrases that fit the dog's emotional state. Some examples include “Oh God, your left leg is rocking my world,” "Where the hell did I bury that thing?" or “Are there still poo crumbs sticking to my ass hairs?”

As gimmicky as it sounds, I’m thinking of getting one for my kid sister since she’s pretty crazy about her puppy. August 15 also happens to be her birthday. But then again, it could very well be a colossal waste of 120 bucks.

For you feline lovers, they also came out with a cat version called Meowlingual, which is pointless since cats basically say only three things: “Feed me … now!” “I'm full, now piss off bitch,” and “I enjoy licking the salt particles off your skin.”

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