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Subject:Mowing The Lawn.
Time:03:01 am


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Per all the requests from the previous entry, I’m posting a photo of the cover of “Mowing the Lawn.”

You guys also asked me to post the story - Lord knows why since the only literary theme 13-year-olds gravitate towards is flatulence. But hell if I was going to spend a lot of time typing something written by a virginal eighth-grader. Instead, I picked out excerpts that help give you an idea of the plot and yet weren’t utterly humiliating.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you:

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“Howard Mert was a 40-year-old husband whose wife did all the work. Howard’s wife Penny had three meals while Howard had twelve. Penny had three jobs; Howard had none. Now what do you think Howard does besides eat, sleep and poop? Nothing.”

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“Two weeks later, Penny died. Howard married a woman he met at the funeral the next day. This woman was a mechanic and loved Howard’s hairy boobies.”

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“Howard’s wife thought and finally had the answer. She borrowed a go-cart from her sister Chaca and got some other thingamajigs. The next day she had the fastest lawn mower in Denver, Colorado and maybe the entire world. Howard saw it and wanted to sit on the super power mower. He started the motor. Disaster struck.”

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“He zoomed out of his yard into Mrs. Crane’s yard, which was filled with her prize roses and prize chickens. The thorns scratched him till he was bleeding all over. After running over the chickens, their feathers were sticking to his blood. He looked like a giant tampon turkey.”

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“Howard, who was praying, sped through a fashion show for crazy gay people. He left with a beautiful dress and a large orange Afro wig.”

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“He got spray-painted by some vandals who thought he was their mother.”

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“He ran right into a fire hydrant and was taken to the county hospital for a broken groin. After escaping by using his hospital gown as a rope, Howard ran naked all the way home.”

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“He crawled into the living room and greeted his wife who was watching TV. Ignoring his bleeding fat butt, she asked, “Well, did you mow the lawn?””


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[icon] caffeineguy
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