September 11th, 2003


Birthday Story.

On this day, I was born. I've included my baby picture below:

You can imagine how disappointed my parents were when I grew up to be a Korean guy. I'll never forget my last birthday, when I finally worked up the courage to tell them. They didn't take it very well.

"Your father and I worked so hard to raise you right," cried my mom. "We thought you'd grow up to become a proud and beautiful Nubian queen. I never thought I'd see the day our own child would throw it all back in our faces and become a Korean guy. I think I'm going to faint, Carl."

"How could you do this to your mother?!" yelled my dad. "Kimchi jigae? Noraebangs? Nightclubs that serve watered-down Crown and $60 fruit plates? That's sick and perverse! You need to see a therapist now!"

"I didn't just choose to become a Korean guy, dad!" I said. "Don't you understand that I was born this way? Even when I was just a little kid - I remember when all the other black girls were playing with their dolls, I was golfing and smoking and slapping around my girlfriends with the Korean boys."

At that point my dad chased me around the house with a cricket bat 'til I found a fencing saber. We dueled for a good ten minutes before we both got tired and resorted to sitting across from each other and calling each other hurtful names. When we ran out of curse words, my mom brought out the birthday cake, and out popped Sister Sledge singing "We Are Family." We all joined in, and that's when the film credits started to roll down ...

The End.

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