October 10th, 2003



I was eating dinner with a friend last night, and she'd told me what had happened to someone we knew. It stunned the fuck out of me.

It sounds as if it's made local news, but out of respect for this person I'll refrain from explaining what happened.

My friend explained that this someone seemed to be in a state of denial. I know that my friend and others who knew were emotionally devastated as soon as they heard the news; and I guess in comparison, this someone - who was at the epicenter - didn't respond as strongly or profoundly as they expected.

I haven't spoken with this someone, because I'm not supposed to know. So yes, this someone might be in that denial stage as my friend believes. Or perhaps this someone is just trying to appear strong on the outside for loved ones. Or maybe this someone is afraid to learn that underneath that outside layer of strength is nothing, nothing at all.

Or maybe this someone doesn't want to open up the inside for everyone to see. Because they will only offer comfort or advice that is ultimately as empty as air. Or they'll judge and sentence this someone to a lifetime of "Did you hear what happened to ..." Or worse, they'll pity this someone.

I may never find out why. Nor should I. It's none of my business. And all I have to give is air.

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