October 11th, 2003


Fat Is Our Fate.


After checking out a plethora of ad agency Web sites this week, yesterday I finally came across one that I liked. Halle-fricking-lujah.

It belongs to Palmer Jarvis DDB, which, creatively speaking, is the best agency in Canada. When one considers that Canadians still worship the snow god Choktar and live in hunter-gatherer clans, it makes the online achievement all the more remarkable.

Now what makes the site work is its glorious utilization of fat people. Coincidentally my online portfolio also used to feature morbidly obese guys as its theme. Fat, as you well know, is essential to making meat and humor taste better.

Problem is, fat as a rich source of humor may soon be a thing of the past. Most of the U.S. population is considered to be overweight, and a third of the country falls under the obese category. This means it's just a matter of time before thin becomes the new fat.

Soon skinny people will be ridiculed for their inability to fill out saggy jeans. Being able to fit comfortably in coach seats will draw glares and snickers. Internet banners will offer hope to the underweight with the new Dr. Bacon Diet. Jared will stop eating at Subway.

Eventually the fat majority will lose all patience with the bony minority, hunt them all down, and eat them with lots of butter. Disturbing, I know, but inevitable. I advise all you scrawny folks to flee right now to a remote place where it'll require a lot of exercise to reach you. The oracle has spoken.

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