November 11th, 2003


Some Day Everyone Will Be Cleaning Themselves With Sticks.


A few weeks ago I wrote something about Americans getting fat enough to devour all of our enemies after bombing them with gravy. But now we've reached the point where companies are selling scales that measure up to 1000 pounds. Half a fricking ton. We are evolving into Volvos.

The company that sells the 1000-lb digital scale with extra-wide platform also sells Sponge-On-A-Stick for cleaning those "hard-to-reach places," like your belly button. They also have the No-Bending Sock Installer for those who can still successfully locate their feet without GPS navigation.

You can find that and other similar products such as "Jodi Stolove's Chair Dancing" fitness video at the Amplestuff site.

It would be a lot more amusing if extreme obesity wasn't such a major health epidemic. Living in LA, the Pilates capital of the world, I don't notice it as much. But once I set foot outside the Californian border, like in Vegas, it's as if the air molecules turned into Big Macs.

My God, you people are huge.

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