November 18th, 2003


What? I'm Leaving For Thailand In Four Days?


Over the years I've been getting sloppier and lazier about planning my trips. I didn't book a ticket 'til a couple of weeks ago, and I just started reserving hotel rooms today.

If my vacation was a woman, she'd complain about the lack of attention and work I've been putting into the relationship. Then I'd mutter how females always have to bitch about something. And of course she'd get all mad and give me the silent treatment, and then try to seduce my best friend, that whore. So at this point, I'm trying to salvage the relationship.

This is a list of things I have left to do before this Saturday. I may need your help on all of them:

1. Buy a book for the excrutiating plane ride.
If you include the flight between Bangkok and Krabi, I'll be spending two whole days on a coach seat. Thinking about it sometimes makes me want to take an innocent life, but reading a good book helps quell my homicidal rage. On my last trip out to Southeast Asia, I read Murakami's "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles" and enjoyed it. This time around I'm thinking of finally reading Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day." If you can recommend something better, please do. I wasn't much fer readin' and such.

2. Figure out what cheap stuff I can buy in Bangkok.
My girlfriend asked me to bring back either a metal Buddha head or a small village boy. But I have no idea what to get my family members. And what do I get for myself, dammit? So far I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy a flash card for my camera at Pantip Plaza. And a fake student ID at Khao San for movie discounts. Bootleg DVDs are always risky because they don't always play on American DVD players, so this rules out "The Two Towers: Extended Edition" and "The Two Threesomes: Extended Pleasure." Possibly a custom-tailored shirt or two - not sure if I can trust getting a suit. I can always visit the tailor we hit last year on Sukhumvit, but if you know of a better one, let me know.

3. Figure out where to party in Bangkok.
Believe it or not, we've pretty much got our bases covered in terms of what we're doing in and around Krabi. As for Bangkok, we'll either be shopping or doing the typical touristy crap during the day. Evening-wise, we've got a decent list of restaurant recommendations from friends. But what about the nightlife? I figure for one of the evenings we'd check out Thai kickboxing matches at Lumphini. What about the "shows" at Patpong, you say? Not after what happened last year. I asked around to see what the cool clubs or bars were, and got this preliminary list: Bed, Tantra, and Kinetic. If you've been to Bangkok recently and have found hipper joints, please help a severely un-hip brutha out.

4. New typical touristy crap to do.
Having already been to Bangkok before, I'm not sure I want to do the same things I did last year, like hitting the palace and temples. One idea was to check out all the touristy places I didn't bother visiting last year like the Floating Flower Market and the Really Big Solid Gold Buddha. But surely there must be other things to do during the day in Bangkok. Eating a fried black scorpion? Getting makeup tips from ladyboys? Fighting in the Kumatai?

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