Good God, is this reality TV thing still going on? Me, I'd gotten sick of all that tired crap and moved on to the next fresh concept in entertainment: reality theater.
Reality theater is just like reality TV, except without the commercial breaks and angry black women. You just go to a supermarket, conference room, or any other place filled with ordinary people - and then you just sit and watch. And this theater is all about audience participation, so you can actually go up and pull their pants down or stick your pinky finger up their nostrils. Reality theater, it's going to be huge.
... I'm lying. After a hiatus, I've started watching reality TV shows again, damn it all to bloody hell. Below is a list of the shows I've watched so far; but in my defense, I've only seen one or two episodes of each:"The Apprentice"
I only saw the advertising episode, but I'd watch more shows if it didn't keep changing air times. I actually got a job offer from that episode's ad agency several years ago, and when I saw Donny Deutsch show up in an extremely tight t-shirt, it kind of made me realize why I didn't work there.
The best part was when he was giving them a tour of the agency, and some employee just "happened" to zip by in a Razor scooter. Donny obviously had him do that to make people think his agency was fun and hip, not realizing that scooter shit lost all its hipness after the Internet bubble popped. I swear I saw that same scooter guy zip around when I was interviewing at the LA office. "America's Next Top Model"
I saw the second episode, where they kicked out the only model with boobs. Stopped watching after that."Real World"
After watching the most recent episode, I came to realize one thing: there is no crime in San Diego. I mean the cops had to be really bored to arrest a Real World chick for girly punching some idiot on the neck, and a Real World guy for drunkenly mocking another idiot's receding hairline.
My girlfriend and I were disgusted with the SDPD. I'm serious about the girly punch, it really was that - just slightly more violent than a friendly pat on the back. The guy she hit even exclaimed, "You hit like a bitch," before timidly calling the police to report an assault. Turns out the only bitch in that situation was him.
That the San Diego police even bothered to show up and cuff the girl was an embarrassment to real law enforcement. Then they bravely arrested the intoxicated dumb jock from Chicago for cracking jokes about male pattern baldness. I guess Larry David was right when he claimed making fun of bald people qualified as a hate crime.
After the show ended, my girlfriend tapped me on the arm to tell me to change channels. She tapped me again. This caused me to pick up the phone and start dialing.
"Who're you calling?" she asked.
"The San Diego police," I replied. "Your boyfriend-beating ass is going to jail!" "American Idol"
Sadly, that buck-teethed, slick-haired, turquoise shirt-wearin' guy (Not surprisingly, a Cal student.) singing and dancing to "She Bangs" wasn't the only socially/sexually/dentally challenged FOB on the show. There seemed to be an army of them: all secretly recruited as part of the ongoing global conspiracy to shame Asian women into dating white guys.
But I was proved wrong when the first person chosen in the LA auditions was an Asian brutha. Not only is he from my hometown, Hacienda Heights, I discovered today that he's on my Livejournal friends list ... baozer
. Small-ass world.
If you're reading this, congrats again man.