February 3rd, 2004


Midget Love & Dog Rapists: Why God Won't Destroy Earth Just Yet.

Like Ricewoman, I grabbed this pic from aa_muse's Ofotos and applied anonymity-preserving cartoon eyes of hell. Mountain Bar wasn't quite this red, but the floors and walls were covered with this tile that made me feel like we were all drinking inside a giant restroom.


The rain came down pretty hard last night.

Sometimes I wonder if God ever gets tempted to keep the faucet running, until this world overflows and drowns everything in it, just to see if he can get it right a third time.

It's a good thing we have guys like Toryip Rawang and Glen amusing the crap out of him.

Toryip Rawang is this drunk guy in Thailand who tried to rape a stray dog after he noticed it wagging its tail and "acting sexy." My art director and I tried to figure out what he meant by "acting sexy." Was he trying to say that dog was sashaying its hips suggestively as it scrounged for food? Did it turn its head and give him a sultry look that said, "How 'bout you come over and sniff this hot piece of ass?"

Anyway Toryip would never get the opportunity to give this dog a bone, as his intended victim mauled the shit out of him. And as if Toryip's day couldn't get any worse, the police arrested him after neighbors saw him staggering down the road, covered in blood. They then released his name to the Bangkok newspapers, as well as the fact that he admitted to previously raping three dogs.

Glen is the star of an upcoming reality TV show from - shockingly - Fox. I thought I was hallucinating when I read its premise: a dating show with midgets. Called "The Littlest Groom," it's basically the Hobbit version of "The Bachelor," with twelve altitude-challenged women trying to woo the mini-stud.

And I'd never thought I'd see the day when someone would steal an idea from "Average Joe." They're going to throw average-sized females into the mix, to see if Glen still prefers his women with a little shrinkage.

The show, which airs on February 16, proves to me that Fox has seriously resorted to getting their reality TV show ideas from bizarre porn movies. I wouldn't be surprised if their next idea involves a guy having sex with canines, "My Big Fat Obnoxious Dog Rapist."


I don't know whether to build a spaceship and ditch this joint, or just sit back and see what the next day has to offer.

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