March 1st, 2004



My girlfriend just started her new job last week at her friends' newly opened sushi joint. Long ago, she was working as a waitress at a cocktail bar, when I met her ... no wait, that's a Human League song. Actually she used to be a waitress at a sushi restaurant just before we met. The guys who opened the sushi joint are the former manager and chef of her old workplace, and they begged her to work there.

Her reasons for waitressing again are 1) to help out her friends and 2) to make enough cash to lavish me with extravagent gifts. Like steakhouses, sushi bars are highly profitable in that they charge a lot of money and the turnover is pretty quick - the patrons tend to just scarf their hamachi, wash it down with some Asahi, then jet. So far, she's been averaging between 20 to 30% on tips, with one customer tipping her 50%.

Granted I'm sure some of it's from eager males who view the extra gratuity as part of the courtship process. On her second day, she got a note that commented that she was "lovely." It's just part of the job, I suppose. I've got quite a few buddies who are especially drawn to waitresses, bartenders, flight attendants, and other ladies in the service industry. Something about their being forced to be nice to you and catering to your needs.

It doesn't bother me much, though. Regardless of what industry or profession she's in, if your girlfriend/wife/concubine is even remotely attractive, chances are some guy is hitting on her at work. The penis is a relentless animal, like a badger trying to claw its way through the zipper and lunge at the nearest prey. You pretty much have to rely on the girl to pull out a machete and decapitate the hungry little bastard.

No, what really bothers me is that she'll be coming home at 11 PM, six days a week. For that reason alone, I pleaded with her not to take the job. I mean, how the hell am I going to function without the woman? The last time she left me alone for an extended period of time, I spent all day watching college basketball in my underwear and ate a bag of pistachios for lunch. It's just a matter of time before I find myself cold, filthy and naked while rummaging through my trash can for discarded pizza crust.


"Since I'll basically never see you, is it okay if I get myself a mistress?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Fair enough. How 'bout just the occasional hooker then?" I asked again.


"Not even an ugly hooker?"


Women can be so damn selfish sometimes.

Site Meter