March 15th, 2004


Bachelorette Parties. Exposed.

My girlfriend's friends sent her photos online from a Vegas bachelorette party. Through some weird glitch in Ofotos, the pics were mistakenly sent to me as well.

At first I didn't want to open the Ofoto album, because the last thing I wanted to see was an avalanche of sweaty man ass and schlong thongs. But I went and opened it anyway out of curiosity.

After all, many women like to bitch and moan about their boyfriends and husbands going to strip joints for bachelor parties.

"Can't you do something else?" they ask. "Like go camping in the wilderness, or play paintball?"

You might think I'm joking. But I've known guys who've done those very things for their bachelor parties under the threat of bodily harm, dismemberment, or worse - prolonged cold shoulder-ment. I was one of those people who had to spend an entire bachelor party playing paintball inside a warehouse. And, to make matters worse, I got shot right on the nipple. For two days I couldn't let my shirt rub against my tender areola.

Even when the bride-to-be allows the guy to attend a 'gentleman's club,' it is only with the understanding that we won't let a woman get within thirty feet of us and that our eyes will be closed shut with duct tape.

But when you ask the females what happens in their bachelorette parties, they'll never readily admit there was naked dancing men involved. And even when you get them to confess, they make it seem like a necessary evil that they had to endure for the sake of pre-wedding etiquette.

"Oh it was so gross," they'll complain as if it were a Fear Factor task. "He was sleazy and disgusting. After a few seconds, we chased him out and spent the rest of the evening reading verses from the Scripture to regain our chastity."

Well I checked out the bachelorette party photos, and it pretty much confirmed what all men have either suspected or known all along: Women are perverts.

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