March 28th, 2004


Koreans In Sports.


I don't follow golf because compared to other spectator sports, it's about as exciting to watch as water reaching its boiling point. In fact I'd always argued with my golf fanatic buddies that any competition where the participants wear pleated khakis doesn't qualify as a sport.

All that aside, I've still managed to notice that Korean chicks have become the black guys of women's golf. I mean they're completely dominating that "sport." In the most recent championship, the yujahs placed first, second and fourth. And the fourth-place finisher, Michelle Wie, is only in eighth grade. I read somewhere that she's already six feet tall and can smack the ball over 300 yards, which makes me wonder if she's actually a 20-year-old man. I'm just kidding of course: she's too cute to be a dude, and I mean "cute" in an adorable, cheek-pinching way, not in an R. Kelly home movie sort of way.

I'm just waiting for the day when we Korean males can catch up to the ladies. Because up til now, the biggest Korean names in sports are Chan Ho Park and Byung Hyun Kim. Both are famous for all the wrong reasons: Park's reputation is as an overpaid underachiever, and Kim's a World Series choker. About the only Korean pro athlete I can be proud of is Steelers All-Star receiver Hines Ward, and everybody just assumes he's African American. So I've also adopted Jason Kidd as a Korean athlete, as his previous arrest for wife beating gives him honorary namja status.

I've got high hopes for this 7'3" Korean high schooler named Ha Sueng Jin who's projected to be picked in the first round of the NBA draft. Looking at the photo below, it looks as if he's playing with garden gnomes.

Who knows, maybe one day he and Wie will get married and give birth to a super breed of 10-feet-tall Koreans. They're going to have to make bigger bottles of Crown.

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