April 5th, 2004




A few weeks ago, one of my friends did the Asian female thing and got a Teacup Maltese puppy. I was aghast to learn that her boyfriend went and named the boy pup, Snowflake. They might as well have cut off his genitals.

I'd suggested Cocaine. Frostbite, Ice Hammer, and Angus the Crazy White Boy are other names I'd choose if I ever had a Maltese puppy. Not that I'd ever get one ... however ...

My friend asked me to babysit the puppy for an afternoon. So I took the little guy on a walk around the neighborhood, and it's as if I had Brad Pitt at the other end of the leash. Cars would slow down or come to a complete stop as girls gawked and pointed at Snowflake. People walking on the sidewalks flocked around the puppy, cooing and giggling like schoolgirls - and these were the guys.

Later I went to a Coffee Bean to meet up with Geney Boy and Doc, as well as drop off Snowflake with the owner, who was supposed to meet me there. As we sat outside, drinking our coffee, I began to notice that every single woman in the area would come over and talk to us, many of them hot - as we were in Brentwood - and possibly bisexual. I'm not exaggerating.

Forget the Ferraris, diamond-encrusted Rolexes, or multimillion-dollar penthouses: Snowflake is the ultimate chick magnet. And unlike the "Wing Dog" in the beer commercial, with Snowflake you don't have to walk up to anybody - the women come squealing over to you and eagerly start stroking that thing on your lap. It's mildly terrifying to witness this tiny creature's power over the ladies. I'm just glad he uses it for good and not evil.

Anyway, the owner called and said she'd pick up Snowflake at my place. That's when I got bored and decided to take the following incriminating photos.

As you can see, Snowflake took to beer rather quickly, downing two bottles right away. He then found my bottle of Patron, which was still inside its box, and went to town on that as well. For someone his size, he's got remarkable tolerance.

Eventually Snowflake passed out. Believe it or not, that's his teddy bear. But he later tossed it for another bottle of Bass. The dog's got good taste in beer.

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