June 29th, 2004


Birthday Pics.

I think it was Rain who once asked me if Livejournal was an exercise or a distraction. I guess the answer depends on whether or not I've got good shit to write in this thing.

As of late my mind's been either too full or too empty - can't figure out which. But the end result is I've been feeling uninspired as fuck. Nothing to be concerned about, it happens to everybody for a short period of time.

In the mean time, I guess I can post photos. Here's a few from a friend's birthday this past weekend:

If you crop a photo just so, you can make it look as if you were born with an extra hand behind your left ear. Someday in the post-apocolyptic future, this could be the next mullet. It'd freak the shit out of the parrot sitting on your shoulder if you were a pirate, however.


After enough vodkas I enjoy walking up to random couples and giving them really awful relationship advice. Here I'm telling them the one magic solution to every couples' problems: Threesomes.


For you enzyme-deprived folk who don't already know, the single best way to avoid looking red in drunk pics is to pop a Pepcid or Zantac tablet about a half-hour before you begin your liquoring. Another way is to desaturate yourself in Photoshop. And yet another way is to not drink and not end up groping that extremely large woman with the sideburns.


If you want to win major points with the girlfriend, contact all of her friends and family, and ask them to send you pictures of her and them. Then ask them to write something witty and memorable about her in their own handwriting, and send that to you too. For the grand finale, put it all together in a 250-page leather-bound book with gold-embossed lettering. Now every time she gets mad at you for staggering home at 6 AM stinking of beer and hookers, you can pull out the book and say, "This took me three months to make!" Seriously though, this was one hell of a birthday gift.

Site Meter