October 27th, 2004

punch

Pineapple Juice.

Keeping with my tasteless conversations theme for this week, the following is an excerpt from a tender discussion at a Coffee Bean about blowjobs:


GUY 1: You know what surprises me about a lot of women?

GUY 2: That they just saved a lot of money on their car insurance?

ME: That they're all engaged in a secret ancient war against werewolves?

GUY 1: Nope. Most of them swallow.

GUY 2: Really? Over half of them? That can't be ...

ME: I'm not that surprised. It is Atkins-friendly.

GUY 1: I'm telling you virtually every woman I've spoken with at one time or another does it. The majority of them swallow.

GUY 2: How can that be? Virtually all the girls I've gone out with were the exact opposite. Not only didn't they swallow, they were quite vocal about their distaste for it.

GUY 1: I don't think any of the girls who swallow enjoy the taste either. They just don't mind it as much. One of them even thought it was rude not to swallow.

ME: I guess it's like throwing away a Christmas present, or refusing to eat somebody's home-cooked meal. It's good to see her parents raised her properly.

GUY 2: I can't imagine it being pleasant though. I remember in med school, this doctor was going over a male cadaver's sex organs with us. She pointed to this one organ and said, "And this is what gives semen that strong metallic taste."

ME: Metallic? Maybe the guy was a robot. To this day I still don't know whether it's true if drinking pineapple juice makes it taste any better. Or if eating asparagus or onions makes it taste worse. I know on the days I drink a lot of coffee, it's what my pee smells like.

GUY 1: Dude, that's only true for urine. We're talking about different systems here. I say the pineapple juice theory's an urban myth.

ME: But they're all bodily fluids. They all come out the same pipe. There's got to be some effect on the flavoring.

GUY 2: Maybe we can conduct our own research. Starting tonight.

ME: No way I'm tasting yours. You sick fuck.


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