November 3rd, 2004


Democracy Blows.

So the exit polls amounted to nothing but a political cock tease. Like finding out that the large-breasted woman you took home was wearing a stuffed bra all along … and then finding out that she was actually Karl Rove.


I sat in the living room, watching Ohio turning red like a syphilis sore. Why, Ohio? Why? I can understand why the other meth-loving, banjo-playing, sheep testicle-eating states went red. But from what I can tell, Ohio’s literacy rate is well above 50%. You guys have technology, you have people with college degrees, you don’t mate with close relatives – clearly you should’ve been a blue state. Didn’t you learn anything from Florida? Now God’s going to send fifty hurricanes your way.

These are the following that are fucked as a result of your treachery:

Women are fucked.
Old people are fucked.
Young people are fucked.
Minorities are fucked.
Poor people are fucked.
Middle class families are fucked.
SUV owners are fucked.
Trees, beavers, and bears are fucked.
Clean water is fucked.
Your personal freedom is fucked.
The ozone layer is fucked.
Our soldiers are fucked.
Anybody not employed by Halliburton is fucked.
The national budget is fucked.
People without health insurance are fucked.
People who wanted to visit other countries without getting pelted with feces are fucked.


I’ve been talking to a lot of people, and it seems many are considering fleeing to Canada or some other Bush-less country. But why go through the hassle of packing and trying to find a job in a foreign land? My solution is to have California secede and become its own country. Of course we’d take Vegas too.

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