December 12th, 2004


Sao Paulo.

This was taken at Sao Paulo's Guarulhos International Airport. I'd noticed that the trashcans there looked like giant samba drums and started banging away. Sure enough, the female airline employees tore off their tops, put giant pink feathers on their heads, and jiggled their breasts. It's always Carnival down here.

T'was a long-ass flight. All in all, the roundtrip between LA and Brazil/Argentina actually took longer than a roundtrip to and from Bangkok. And all this time I thought the earth was shaped like an orange, when in fact's it's shaped more like a slightly obese Lebanese man.

(Just realized that in this photo my legs look like Paris Hilton's. How the fuck did they get so damn skinny? Trimspa, baby.)


This is a night shot of a small chunk of Sao Paulo's skyline from Hotel Unique's rooftop bar, which kinda reminded me of the Downtown Standard Bar in LA. With over 20 million people, Sao Paulo's just this massive sprawling insanity of a city. I've been to comparable megacities like Tokyo, Shanghai and Seoul, and I think Sao Paulo has them beat in terms of traffic. It'd get so bad on the freeway that you'd see people walking between the lanes during rush hour selling shit like cellphone rechargers, drinks, or toys. ON the freeway.

On the positive side, the city's ranked in the top ten in the world for food. And it probably ranks first in the category "Number of women with succulent ass-to-waist ratios." If J. Lo's buttocks were a country, it'd be Brazil.


I was rather surprised to learn that Sao Paulo had the largest Japanese population of any city outside of Japan. About 1.5 million of them. So on the nights we weren't eating steaks, feijoada or moqueca, we were chowing on sushi. These pictures were taken at a Japanese restaurant across the street from our hotel in Vila Olympia. Easily one of the coolest sushi bars I've ever been to, and not just because the waiters had pornographic manga on their uniforms.


Paulistas really enjoy dancing on furniture. You'd walk into a bar and females would be standing on top of chairs and tables, throwing their bountiful asses in every possible direction. Of course when I decided to take a picture, it's all penises on the bar. This photo was taken at 6 AM at this hippy hop club called Urbana.

Shockingly, I was fairly soused when I took this. When I'd heard that Brazilians were moderate drinkers, we single-handedly tried to raise the national average for alcohol consumption in a single evening by doing a drinking tour of Sao Paulo:

A giant glass cube of sake @ Kabuki Mask
A potent caipirinha @ Bossa Nueva in Vila Madalena. I'm a huge fan of Vila Madalena.
A New York-priced glass of Belvedere @ Hotel Unique
Three Stoli on the rocks @ This crappy-ass nightclub on Faria Lima
Four J Blacks @ A giant house that actually turned out to be a lounge in Jardins
Two plastic cups filled with rat poison @ Urbana

By the time I woke up at around 2 PM, my hotel room door was wide open. Luckily, both of my kidneys were still safe and warm inside my lower abdomen.


Collapse )

Site Meter