January 23rd, 2005


(no subject)

T was in town, so I decided to take his engaged ass out for some drinks Friday night. We ended up going to White Lotus, where I ran into mwuajeee and company. I think this brings the grand total of LJ friends I've met in person in the past 12 months to nine. As usual, one of the first things out of their mouths was "You sound different than what I'd expected."

Later in the evening, I headed over to a buddy, J's, table where he was sitting with a group of friends. One of them, who was nuzzling with a chick, reminded me of someone. I pulled J aside.

"Your friend looks a lot like Robin Shou," I said.

"Dude, he is Robin Shou," J replied.

For those of you who don't know, the man was Liu Kang in the movie "Mortal Kombat." He was also in Chris Farley's greatest masterpiece "Beverly Hills Ninja."

Granted, he stood out back then because it was extremely rare to see Asian-American male actors in prominent film roles. But what really struck me about him was his hair. You see, Robin had the body and face of a muscular Asian man ... and the hair of a beautiful Seventies woman.

See what I mean? It really bugged the shit out of me. Why would you willingly style your hair that way? That part down the middle? It had to have been because of blackmail. I wondered if it was yet another fiendish plot by white Hollywood execs to emasculate the yellow man.

HOLLYWOOD EXEC: So the good news is we're offering you the starring role in the Mortal Kombat movie. But only under one condition: We want you to wear this wig.

ROBIN SHOU: That doesn't look like Liu Kang's hair at all. Haven't you seen the video game? In fact, it looks like a fucking woman's wig!

HOLLYWOOD EXEC: Oh alright, you got us. It used to belong to Kate Jackson's stunt double on Charlie's Angels. But if you're not wearing it, we'll dump you and cast Patrick Swayze instead. We'll just tape his eyelids to make them more slanty. So you will put on this wig for your entire film career.

That's probably why in his films, Robin's characters always seemed to have some sort of inner sadness going on. But seeing him now, happily making out with some girl, I noticed that his hair, while still long, looked normal and very un-Charlie's Angels-ish. I don't know if that's the reason I haven't seen him in any films recently (Well that and Chris Farley's dead. There should've been a Beverly Hills Ninja trilogy.)

But every man has got to make a stand for what he believes is right, even if it means sacrificing his means of employment. And I respect him for that. I tried to shake his hand, but at that point he had it halfway down the girl's pants. So I helped myself to his bottle of Goose instead. The end.

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