February 21st, 2005


(no subject)

That pic is the 101. Driving around LA these past several days, there were times when it felt like I was driving underwater because it was raining so damn hard. It's as if God was trying to hose us off his driveway.


This image more or less sums up this President's Day weekend: Rain, mudslides, and LA drivers freaking out and crashing into shit. The photo was taken at my hometown, Hacienda Heights, which made the news today because a wet hill attempted to devour some houses with the people still inside for added protein.

Hacienda Heights is one of those obscure towns that only makes the news when something bad happens there. One time it was a huge brush fire. This other time it was terrorized by a gang of bleach-haired teenage vampires. But Hacienda Heights' brief moment in the spotlight was robbed by yet another idiot falling in the LA River.

Didn't know we had a river, did you? Well that's because it's not a real river - more like a giant ditch lined with graffiti and discarded shopping carts. But every time it rains like this, the river swells up to a respectable turgidness. I'm guessing it draws curious people who've never seen large quantities of water, because somehow somebody always ends up falling in. If you've seen the "river," you'd know that the only way you could possiblly fall in is if you actually jumped into it.

Why? Who the hell knows? Maybe this guy thought the brown water was really milk chocolate. Then firefighters have to risk their lives trying to save these drowning dumbasses, thereby preventing the human gene pool from distancing itself from chimpanzees. Lord knows that the monkeys are quickly gaining on us, and I've already factored the future monkey takeover into my retirement plan.

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