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Subject:Facial Analysis.
Time:12:27 am
According to Face Analyzer's site, they possess "the worlds most accurate facial recognition software." They then go on to say that "by applying the most recent developments in the field of evolutionary psychology, we’ve correlated certain personality traits to key facial features. This allows us to determine your inherent personal characteristics."

Curious to see how accurate it was, I tried to find a relatively emotionless photo of myself looking straight at the camera. I ended up just grabbing a pic I took of myself to document my first Biore strip - taken last year the day after I got back from Thailand. And these were the results:


ME WITH BIORE STRIP

100% Korean/Japanese
--
Intelligence - 4.4 Low Intelligence
Risk - 5.9 Average Risk
Ambition - 5.2 Average Ambition
Gay Factor - 1.1 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor - 5.9 Average Honor
Politeness - 5.1 Average Politeness
Income - 4.4 $10,000 - $30,000
Sociability - 5.2 Average Sociability
Promiscuity - 3.9 Low Promiscuity



I was startled how they were able to guess my ethnicity, except for the "/Japanese" part. And despite my Biore strip and lack of shirt, it determined that I was extremely hetero (Although how they were able to identify my compelling love for vaginal intercourse based on such random things as the distance between my eyes and nostrils is beyond me, but that's why I'm not a Facial Analyzer).

Anyway I wasn't thrilled with the rest of the results. "Facial Analyzer, you fucking asshole," I muttered. According to my facial features, I was unspectacularly ambitious, possibly retarded, and not very horny. Also, according to my Honor score, I'd make a very poor samaurai. I decided to see what would happen if I threw the Facial Analyzer off with a picture of me wearing glasses:


ME WITH GLASSES

100% Chinese
--
Intelligence - 6.2 Average Intelligence
Risk - 5.9 Average Risk
Ambition - 5.2 Average Ambition
Gay Factor - 1.0 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor - 6.0 Average Honor
Politeness - 5.5 Average Politeness
Income - 5.6 $30,000 - $50,000
Sociability - 5.9 Average Sociability
Promiscuity - 4.7 Low Promiscuity



100% Chinese? Got you, bitch! Now I knew that the Facial Analyzer was completely wrong. However, all the other scores seemed about the same, although my intelligence got raised from dumb to mildly stupid. This semi-consistency bothered me a bit. I realized that if I tried a third photo and the scores came out the same, then maybe the Facial Analyzer was right all along. I would then have to switch to a job in the $30-$50K range where my Very Low Gay Factor would be considered a strength. This is how my third picture turned out:


ME REALLY DRUNK AT SOME HALLOWEEN PARTY

77% Korean/Japanese
23% Chinese
--
Intelligence - 7.0 Very Intelligent
Risk - 3.0 Low Risk
Ambition - 7.0 High Ambition
Gay Factor - 1.0 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor - 5.0 Average Honor
Politeness - 8.9 High Politeness
Income - 6.0 $30,000 - $50,000
Sociability - 3.1 Low Sociability
Promiscuity - 1.0 Very Unpromiscuous



Yes, victory was mine ... although my Promiscuity score of 1.0 indicated that I no longer possessed genitals. But no matter, the hot ladies will all be having sex with my engorged 8.9 Politeness score.

Here's how some other people fared with "the worlds most accurate facial recognition software."


ALBERT EINSTEIN

43% South East Asian
57% Korean/Japanese
--
Intelligence - 6.0 Average Intelligence
Risk - 4.7 Low Risk
Ambition - 5.8 Average Ambition
Gay Factor - 1.3 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor - 4.9 Average Honor
Politeness - 5.8 Average Politeness
Income - 6.0 $30,000 - $50,000
Sociability - 6.0 Average Sociability
Promiscuity - 4.1 Low Promiscuity



GEORGE W BUSH

100% Korean/Japanese
--
Intelligence - 6.6 Very Intelligent
Risk - 4.2 Low Risk
Ambition - 5.2 Average Ambition
Gay Factor - 1.1 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor - 5.7 Average Honor
Politeness - 6.5 High Politeness
Income - 6.7 $50,000 - $100,000
Sociability - 6.0 Average Sociability
Promiscuity - 2.5 Very Unpromiscuous



FRED DURST

100% Anglo Saxon
--
Intelligence - 5.8 Average Intelligence
Risk - 4.8 Low Risk
Ambition - 5.6 Average Ambition
Gay Factor - 1.4 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor - 5.0 Average Honor
Politeness - 5.4 Average Politeness
Income - 5.9 $30,000 - $50,000
Sociability - 5.9 Average Sociability
Promiscuity - 3.9 Low Promiscuity



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