March 7th, 2005




Wilmer Valderrama is proof that Jedis still exist. I can't find any other logical explanation for how a guy, who almost started crying on "Punk'd" when he thought his Escalade was getting smashed, has been able to bone the following:

Jessica Alba
Mandy Moore
Lindsay Lohan
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Eva Longoria

This is the equivalent of conquering Mount Everest five times with your penis. How does he do it? It could only be Jedi mind tricks.

WILMER: These aren't the droids you're looking for.

JESSICA ALBA: These aren't the droids we're looking for.

WILMER: You will ride my purple-headed stallion.

JESSICA ALBA: I will ride your purple-headed stallion.

I used to refer to the guy as this generation's Scott Baio; but Wilmer's well on his way to out-Baioing Baio. Wilmer, if you're reading this, please be my Yoda and teach me the ways of the Force.


"You two hot bitches. Toss the Fez salad, now!"

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