March 29th, 2005


I Dream Of Tidal Waves.


Some people I know can see dead people. Others can read your fortune or see your aura. And some can climb walls and shoot a sticky web-like substance from their wrist holes. Me, whenever I dream about tidal waves, a major earthquake occurs within a week.

Granted, I had a tidal wave dream a couple of years ago and nothing happened, which disappointed me because I was sort of hoping an LA quake would scare people into selling their homes for cheap and flee to Seattle or Vegas. Damn you, San Andreas Fault.

And, ironically, I didn’t have any tidal wave dreams before the December quake that launched the killer tsunamis.

But I’ve had tidal wave dreams before the San Fran quake, the Northridge quake, the Kobe quake, the Iran quake, a 2003 quake somewhere in Mexico, etc.

I think it was after Kobe, when I started to wonder if it was more than just coincidence. Granted, earthquakes happen all the time. And if you look up the meaning of tidal waves in a dream interpreter, it normally means you’re fucking horny. Which means every guy below Viagra age is dreaming of tidal waves every night while dry humping his mattress. But that’s the thing – I rarely dream of tidal waves. And when I do, somewhere around the planet, within seven days, a big-ass earthquake happens.

The most recent one was last week, on a Monday night. I dreamt that I was in my office building, which is about a mile from the beach. I heard this powerful deafening roar, so I ran to the window. I saw a wave so massive that it dwarfed this oil tanker (We’re close to a refinery.) that was doing cartwheels down its face. Don’t remember what happened next.

The next afternoon, our building briefly jolted. I’d figured it was a fat person walking past my office. Later, a coworker sent out an email saying that it was a small earthquake that had occurred just a few miles from our office, in the ocean.

You know what the disturbing thing was? I was a little disappointed. Granted the timing and placement of the quake was uncanny. But just 3.4 on the Richter? It might as well have been a mobile fat person. I’ve farted bigger than 3.4.

Unfortunately, the 8.7 quake in Indonesia came just before my seven days were up. Why fucking earthquakes? Why don’t those fucking tidal wave dreams predict stock picks or sexual encounters with Czech swimsuit models?

Premonition blows.

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