April 14th, 2005


Sorry, But It Was Too Easy.

Your dating personality profile:

Oozing - Not with personality, unfortunately, but with pus. Somehow that knife wound you suffered as a result of trying to fashion a helmet out of wood hasn’t healed. Perhaps trying to clean it with a lint brush was a bad idea. Now it is festering and the only attention you are getting are from egg-laying flies.
Fucking Crazy - All of this: Your computer, the chair you’re sitting on, the room you’re in, the air you’re breathing, your body, your emotions. It’s not real. You are merely a character in someone’s bad dream. And that someone is about to wake up and end you … unless you shoot your coworkers.
Bored - After looking up all of your ex-girlfriends’ names on Google, you spent a good eight minutes taking this pointless online quiz and then posted the results on your Livejournal thinking people would note the results and then want to date you. Way to be productive, you lazy asshole.
Your date match profile:

Large-Breasted - You are drawn to women with disgustingly enormous tits. The kind that have smaller tits orbiting around them. The kind that get saggy pretty easily and tend to have a visible network of large veins. Nevertheless, if you could, you’d build a nest inside the cleavage and never leave, occasionally suckling on the sausage-sized nipples and snatching low-flying birds for sustenance.
Freaky - You are looking for someone who considers the Dirty Sanchez to be foreplay. You need a companion who encourages you to let her vomit on your genitals while sodomizing you with a frozen trout.
Hairy - You consider a thick, pubic afro that sprawls well past her waistline to be glorious. She may look like a swarthy Abe Lincoln, but when her face stubble gives you a mouth rash, you flaunt it to your buddies, proudly exclaiming “My Sasquatch hottie tore it UP!”
Your Top Ten Traits

1. Oozing
2. Fucking Crazy
3. Bored
4. Hungry Like The Wolf
5. Scrotolicous
6. Slutty
7. Sneezy
8. Bashful
9. Turgid
10. Bursting With Fruit Flavor
Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Large-Breasted
2. Freaky
3. Hairy
4. Drunk
5. Mammal
6. Socialist
7. Portuguese
8. Deceased
9. Ribbed, For My Pleasure
10. Diabetic

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

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