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Subject:Breakfast.
Time:12:37 am


Check out this excellent video celebrating hillbillies (It's actually a viral ad for an ad agency's barbeque party, which cost zero dollars to make. All they probably did was a Google Image Search for "rednecks" and slapped on "Dueling Banjos" from "Deliverance.").


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I never was and never will be a morning person. Who the hell gets up before 11 AM on a weekend? Fascists, that's who. And cow rapists.

That makes it all the more strange that my favorite meals of the week are Saturday and Sunday breakfast ... at 1:30 PM, of course. Based on years of weekend breakfast experience, the following joints are the Westside breakfast spots I eat at most of the time, in no particular order of greatness:


Bread & Porridge -
My girlfriend's favorite, but she goes for their chicken salad. Breakfast-wise, their strengths are pancakes, omelettes, various pork products, and ridiculously high prices. But that's about it. They don't even have hash browns, serving roasted potatoes instead. Nevertheless, they serve strong-ass French Press coffee that's as close as you'll get to liquified cocaine. They've also got an awesome beef stew, but they only serve it on weekdays for some reason - most likely to anger me.

Snug Harbor -
This small diner has been around since the early 1900's and is on the same block as Bread & Porridge. But unlike its snooty neighbor, they have hash browns, eggs benedict, and corn beef hash on the menu. The coffee's surprisingly weak here, though, it's like drinking extremely dirty boiled water.

John O'Groats -
Pathetic coffee here too. But they've got several interesting dishes, like a salmon hash and spicy pumpkin pancakes. My favorite's the Huevos O'Groats with a flattened biscuit instead of a tortilla. While the food's inspired, they clearly didn't give a fuck about the interior. When they expanded their space by taking over their two neighboring businesses, they just knocked holes in the walls and left everything else unchanged. So in one room you're eating pancakes in an old photo studio, and in another section, you're drinking OJ in a rug store.

S & W Country Diner -
I like this joint, located a block away from Sony Studios, because it's a diner like Snug Harbor. Like Snug Harbor, they do this thing where they try to make it look like a dive, but in a slickish cute way, so as to attract the hipsters and yuppies: It's the restaurant version of a trucker's cap. But it's quite cheap - for this part of LA at least - and our waitress is insanely fit. I actually caught a hint of lesbian fire in my girlfriend's eyes as she checked out her ass-crack tat. Once again, pitiful coffee - lemonade has more caffeine than that watered-down crap. At least there's a Starbucks next door.

Coral Tree Cafe -
My buddy Doc likes this place more than I do, because it's in Brentwood, has great outdoor seating and is often filled with hot women wearing very expensive sunglasses. The portions are a bit dainty for me and I hate that you have to valet park; but the coffee selection's quite good.


There are some other local places I've left out, like Overland Cafe, Cafe 50's and Cora's Coffee Shoppe; but I'd only eaten at those establishments once. If you've got any places to recommend in the area, please do. I'm on an endless quest for the perfect corn beef hash.


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Subject:Apparently Japan Is One Big Gay Joke.
Time:11:16 pm


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I don't think I'd ever get bored in that country. Ever. Japan's got more crazy funny per square foot than anywhere else on the planet. And for some reason, like the sausage, much of that funny is homo-licious.

Take this popular TV character named Hard Gay, for example. The videos are in Japanese, but I'm guessing that Hard Gay is some sort of superhero, like Batman or Spiderman. Just like those superheroes, Hard Gay roams the city, helping those in need while wearing tight, crotch-enhancing pants. The one significant difference is that he keeps rapidly thrusting his groin while yelling "Wooo! Oookay!! Let's party!"

I wouldn't be surprised if the dude got his idea from watching Chris Pontius terrorize the citizens of Tokyo as Party Boy in "Jackass: The Movie." (After watching this disturbing clip, however, I think Hard Gay's real source of inspiration is Michael Jackson.) Perhaps Party Boy and Hard Gay can meet in battle like Godzilla and King Kong once did, and see who can out-queer whom.





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[icon] caffeineguy
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