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Subject:Why Celebrities Hate The Web.
Time:12:19 am


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I think the sleep deprivation has finally caught up to me. It kept twitching just under my right eye tonight. As Buster likes to say on Arrested Development: "I'm a MONSTER!"

--

My girlfriend went through a six-month phase where she was hooked on In Touch Weekly. I'd slowly shake my head and chuckle my judgmental chuckle as she flipped through all the trashy celebrity gossip and incriminating photos. Then one day, while we were waiting on a plane as it was sitting on a runway, I checked out a copy after she was done. I read that fucker from cover to cover, and my eyes were opened to a magical, wondrous world (I had no idea Keanu Reeves dated Diane Keaton. Dude's gay for sure.)

I didn't read In Touch after that. But that's because I don't have too - as bad as that magazine is, the Internet is a thousand times worse. Which is why I love it, of course. In the past month alone, the following celebs have cursed the day Sir Tim Berners-Lee invented the giant digital cesspool known as the World Wide Web. And as you might imagine, almost all of these are NSFW:


Tom Cruise

Ciara

Jessica Simpson

Hilary Swank

Jude Law

Mischa Barton

Michelle Rodriguez

Liz Hurley

Fergie (Always sad to see something like this happen to a fellow Hacienda Heightser)

Tara Reid


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