November 3rd, 2005


Filthy Snot and Beijing's Best Burger.

I mentioned this the last time I was in this town, but Beijing is fucking big. The streets are the size of freeways, and the blocks are bigger than some cities. As for the buildings, where Shanghai had soaring, gleaming skyscrapers, the buildings around our hotel by Tiananmen Square are massive concrete fortresses, and could swallow their taller, more svelte Shanghai cousins whole.


Beijing is as filthy as animal porn. I'm talking about what passes for air around here. It's even worse than Sao Paulo. When we walked out of the airport, I thought it was slightly foggy. But the fog was actually pollution. It never goes away, this constant beige haze. Just an hour ago I blew my nose and the tissue looked as if I'd used it to wipe a dirty ashtray.


Was strolling around Forbidden City and noticed a few Chinese kids with ass-less pants. Then one mom crouched, held her baby in front of her with his legs in the air, and the little dude pissed right there in front of hundreds of tourists, on the same ground that emperors once strolled on. Guess diapers are expensive around here.


After a night of pounding Black Label at some club called Vics, I later found myself pounding what our host claimed was the best burger in Beijing. It was essentially three full meals stacked between two buns and was roughly the size of a Beijing building. I think people were still inside when I took my first bite.

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