February 28th, 2007


Backdoor Tragedy.

Our department's new location shares a floor in the building with a certain XX Labs. We share the bathrooms on the floor, which some of us access via a backdoor. When the XX Labs employees complained to building management that the door was a potential safety hazard to people walking down the hall, we were asked not to use the door. We kept using the door anyway. Within hours, the building put - get this - yellow caution tape across the fricking door.

Here's the thing about XX Labs: Out of curiosity, some of us Googled the company and discovered that they "provide specialized engineering and scientific services to the Department of Defense and NASA." Their doors can only be accessed by keycards but, then again, the same goes for our doors. However, one of my coworkers told us how she got a stern warning from one of the XX Labs employees simply for being on their side of the building. And when my coworker told me about the two XX Labs guys in suits who carry firearms and patrol the area, all those December nights spent watching "24" DVDs finally hit me.

In almost every season, there's some shadowy defense company trying to kill Jack Bauer, the President, and half of Los Angeles. If there's anything I should've learned from "24," it's don't fuck with companies like XX Labs. They'd execute their own family members for reading an email and most likely have a neutron bomb nestled next to their copier. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn if the previous tenants of our office space had all died from a V-series nerve agent.

So when one of my coworkers got caught opening the forbidden backdoor, none of us were surprised when this happened ...

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