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Subject:Wedding Pics. A Prayer To Thor And The Unitini.
Time:01:15 am

So here I am at a wedding. In this photo, it appears that I'm marrying the lucky gentleman on the right. But it's even crazier than that - I'm performing the ceremony. So where's the damn bride?

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Here she is. She was the one who asked me back in '05 if I'd do this for her and her fiance. I agreed, but kept thinking that at some point during that long period of time before the wedding, they'd smack themselves in the head and say, "Holy shit! What the fuck are we thinking?" Then they'd hire a professional wedding guy. Or at least a guy who believed in marriage. But they stuck with me, and here we all were on a sunny Saturday afternoon.


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One of the things I'd assumed from their asking me to perform the wedding was that they didn't want a typical ceremony. So I tried to make it ... different. While I held back from sacrificing a live eagle by biting its head off, I did try to make it at least memorable. So that they could look back twenty years from now and still gnash their teeth in anger. For instance, I began my greeting by saying, "A wise man once said, 'Marriage is for idiots.'"


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Although I became an ordained reverend via the ULC, I decided to make a prayer to Thor - the god of thunder, a founding member of the Avengers, and the guy they named Thursday after. The "reasoning" behind this was because the bride and groom came from different religious backgrounds, so the logical choice for me was to go with a neutral religion. A neutral religion with giant hats, like Norse mythology.


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"... We pray that you smite their enemies, scatter their livestock, and bring drought to their crops."


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"... And, finally, Thor we ask that you bless her fertile loins so that it may sprout sons who will grow up to be strong and powerful warriors, and daughters who will blossom into virtuous and beautiful maidens." (PS, I am not checking out her rack.)


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The bride and groom also wanted to do something else besides a Unity Candle ceremony, so I suggested a Unity Martini - or as I called it, a Unitini. Before all of you start wondering why there's no Goose, the Ketel is the groom's choice of vodka.


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Click Here For More Wedding PhotosCollapse )


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[icon] caffeineguy
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