December 4th, 2007


Sydney. Night Shots.

Maybe it's because we were on the other side of the equator and International Date Line. Maybe it's because we finished a bottle of Goose. Maybe it's because the time was just right for watching people consume each others feces and vomit. Maybe it's the worst decision I have ever made.


Because we're on the bottom part of the planet, the gravity's much weaker down here.


Perhaps it's because of the weaker gravity, but the cockroaches fly in Australia. We were at Bungalow 8 on King Street Wharf when our friend Kai sat down at our table. She felt something in her hair and brushed it off with her hand - and that's when the roach fell off her head and right into her drink. I was forced to drown the poor bastard in her cup (you can watch the video on, which was a horrible way to go because the cup was filled with gin. I don't know what's more nasty: cockroaches or gin.


This was taken at the World Bar in King's Cross. I think this photo speaks for itself. And it would be speaking some kind of monkey language.


One more thing about King's Cross: Half of it is legit bars and clubs, and the other half is strip joints and hookers. I think it was a Tuesday night, and out of sheer boredom Paul and I decided to check out a King's Cross strip joint. There's an entire block filled with them, so we walked into the first one we saw, called Love Machine. Big, big mistake.

I don't think I'd ever walked into a sadder strip joint in my entire life. It's quite possibly the saddest place I've ever been to in my entire life. There could've been corpses of kittens and unicorns in here, and it wouldn't have made it that much sadder. You just walked in and a giant wall of misery immediately hit you. It's a dark, rectangular room about the size of a liquor store. On one end is a bar, and on the other, there's a stage. Facing the stage were five small rows of plastic chairs. I think there were about four guys sitting on them, all looked semi-awake.

On stage was a topless stripper who wasn't really dancing - more like walking around with the same lifeless expression as her audience. Every once in a while she'd lie on the floor and gyrate, or swing on the pole. Sometimes the stripper would stop dancing, get off the stage, walk over to the bar, grab a drink, and hop back on stage. Whenever the song ended, there'd be a five-second period of dead silence before the next song began. All the while, the stripper and audience would be completely motionless and quiet.

But there's more. Next to the stage, there was hardcore porn playing on a monitor. Meanwhile, two haggard-looking women - with faces deeply creased by years of drugs and prostitution - walked over to each customer and asked if they wanted to go upstairs for "a massage and sex."

It was surreal and utterly depressing. After we finished our Malibu vodkas (at least I think that's what they were called), we practically ran out of there before our souls were completely devoured by the darkness.


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