caffeineguy (caffeineguy) wrote,
caffeineguy
caffeineguy

Miami Trip Pics.



Remember when my dumb ass accidentally deleted my South Beach pics last month? Well I finally got around to recovering them. I tried out four data recovery programs, picked one, but was only able to save about 80% of my erased photos. There were three or four photos in particular that I really wanted to retrieve but couldn't - which is a shame, because they would've made the world a better place.



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I didn't take this photo. But I did take a photo of this photo at Art Basel. This woman (or man) has oddly wrinkled lips - as if she'd lost her original lips in a bear-kissing accident and the surgeon grafted scrotal skin to her mouth. That's precisely why you never try to seduce bears.



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The hotels in South Beach are really expensive during Art Basel, which is why they offer masking tape and white sheets to cash-strapped hipsters.



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This is why I was in Miami. Without going into too much detail about the project, this is what our gallery looked like from the outside.



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And this is our project on the inside. Here I am performing a magic trick where I drink a glass of water and project video images from my skull at the same time.



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Here's a shot of the rooftop. The Belgian artist who created that giant wooden structure also designed the chair that my coworker's sitting on. He's also designed a super-brothel, the world's first crime-fighting brothel.



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Unfortunately the city forced us to tear down this installation a couple of days later. Their reason being that Miami's streets are filled with the elderly, which are the main source of prey for giant wooden structures.



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Before they tore down the thing, we shot the installation on film from a cherry picker. The Belgians didn't cry, which isn't surprising when you consider that Belgians are born without tear ducts and the ability to eat waffles that aren't smothered with whipped cream and canned fruit.



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Here's a model of one of his future projects, which he hopes to build in Beijing. Trees must really love this guy.



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A solid week of open bars really took its toll on me. I was spellbound by this "Classy Bitch" porcelain figurine.



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Here's an art piece featuring ducks with tits for eyes, shitting and pissing paint. What, you thought paint came from paint factories?



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Sticking with the poultry theme, here's an installation featuring an entire room filled with eggs. Chickens are whores. Tender, delicious whores.



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This is what it would look like if God sneezed into a building. Taken at a Design Miami party.



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Back to Art Basel: this "painting" sold for $1.2 million. Any idiot can grab a box cutter and slash a painted canvas a few times; but it's the eighth slash that truly makes it a masterpiece.



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The artist who created this kept going around telling everybody how clever he was. "Look! I used color pencils to create art ... but in a totally unexpected way!" And then they punched the shit out of him ...



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... after they punched the shit out of the guy who made almost a million dollars off this oversized countdown machine. The thing only counts down from nine.



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Here's a drunken pic I took inside the Delano. Then I sold it the next day at Art Basel for $100K, which was then used to buy the "Classy Bitch" figurine.



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For some people, sculpting with metal is a good way of distracting you from your homicidal cannibalistic thoughts.



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Here's a painting of a house fly, created with real crushed house flies. Good thing he didn't feel like painting a kitten, because the kitten-painting-with-real-crushed-kittens thing has been done to death.



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The artist had holograms of people inside a bus that had actually been involved in an accident.



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Alright, I'm obviously getting tired of writing. Here's a bunch of art ...







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