Although his bash would take place on Saturday, Squiggy’s actual birthday was today. So about a dozen of us took him out for drinks.
Sometimes it’s difficult for guys to truly get to know one another without jungle warfare, a Roman slave ship, or a kayaking trip gone horribly wrong. In the mean time, there’s the time-honored "Who’d You Rather Sleep With?" Test (more commonly known as the "Ginger or Mary Anne" Test). It’s simple: You just throw out some names of women, and each guy indicates which one they’d pick – in the event aliens took over the earth and actually gave you that opportunity because you resembled one of their deities.
Normally the women are from the same category, such as
- Country Singers: Faith Hill or Shania Twain
- Actresses of a Latin Persuasion: Selma Hayek or Penelope Cruz
- Barely Legal: Natalie Portman or that "Smallville" chick
- Large, Amorphous Objects: Margaret Cho or Grimace
Lord knows why such a test exists. One reason is it’s for males to figure out if their tastes in females are similar. Because if they’re too close, you run the risk of pursuing the same woman, and that can only lead to one thing: a gun duel.
Squiggy came up with another test. This one was called "Who’d You Sleep With That No Other Guy Would Consider Sleeping With?" It was more like a game actually; a game that only Squiggy could win because apparently the dude would screw just about anybody not named Liza Minelli. The best I can come up with is Rosie Perez.
So the guys learned a lot about each other that night. I, for one, discovered that all of them find the wife from "Everybody Loves Raymond" quite enticing.
Squiggy invited quite a few people to his birthday party, around 250. So he went and rented out a banquet hall over at the Olympic Collection. I’d write about the event, but I think xrysalis did that already. So I just posted a few pics instead …
Asian guys tend to buy their clothes from the same two stores. And the two gentlemen in the middle demonstrate the tragic consequences. This also happens to be the only normal photo taken of me (on the right) the whole night …
A buddy and I compare beer bellies. Despite my best efforts, he won by a considerable margin, until his water broke.
The birthday boy thought it’d be cool if everybody at his party wore nametags. This backfired badly. Eventually he caved in and tried to use them to his advantage. As you can see in the middle photo below, he utilized the one on his pants to draw attention to his penis.