caffeineguy (caffeineguy) wrote,
caffeineguy
caffeineguy

Patagonia Pics: El Chalten.


This was taken from the bus as I was leaving El Chalten, and it was probably the best full view I had of the mountains. Because they were constantly blanketed by a neverending armada of clouds, I never got to see Cerro Torre. Never got to get a close look at Monte Fitz Roy. Those two granite bitches were one of the main reasons why I came to Patagonia in the first place.


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Here's a pic of Vic and I goofing around on the shore of Laguna Torre, waiting for the ferocious winds to blow away the clouds. Behind those clouds? Cerro fucking Torre. This is the view on a good day. For almost two hours, the clouds would get thinner and you could start to see something ... then it'd turn shitty again. I decided then and there that I'll be coming back to El Chalten, and I'll stay a month if I have to - but I will see Cerro Torre dammit.


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This poor chubby bastard would probably be getting a lot more attention if it were anywhere else instead of being next to Fitz Roy and Cerro Torre. I don't even know if anybody bothered to give it a name. If not, I shall name it Fat Derek.


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The epic clouds around here were wild and untamed, unlike them soft and spoiled city clouds I'm used to.


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In El Chalten, I had a habit of hopping on top of boulders and assuming moronic poses. There were quite a few of them, I'm sorry to say, but this was the prize winner. I call this one Figure-Skating Superman.


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This wasn't taken in El Chalten, but somewhere between there and El Calafate. Other than the stunning sunset, it didn't seem anything special to me. It wasn't until I was reading an airplane magazine that I discovered this very spot was named after some guy who killed a puma here with his bare hands in the 1800's. Don't quite remember the name, but I'm pretty sure it was El Puma Choker.


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Unlike Cerro Torre, I actually got to see Fitz Roy. But only from a distance, while it sat smugly behind the hills. We took a hike to Laguna de los Tres to get this view. But on that day, all this happened.


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Everyday, Fitz Roy mocked us. "Why don't you guys spend four hours hiking over here while enduring rain bullets and 70-mph winds? I promise I won't hide this time." I don't think I've ever been more annoyed with a mountain.


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One day I will finally come right up to Fitz Roy, and bitch-slap that geological whore.


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Every square inch of this place was jaw-dropping.


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My camera almost drowned while I was trying to take this photo. The rain was falling horizontally because of the insane winds, and when it hit your face it stung like liquid buckshot.


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The brutal weather was strangely invigorating. You truly feel alive out here. Apparently I can only express this through Hulkomania.


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Not quite sure what created this somewhat haunting circle as I am not a scientist. But if I were a scientist, I'd say it was most likely created by a team of ghosts and aliens.


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Speaking of aliens, this cloud looked like a giant UFO, or a giant plate spinning on top of the cross. The giant spinning plate idea supports my theory that existence is God's variety show.


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Speaking of religion, this fiery bush reminded me of the story of Moses and the Human Torch.


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Besides Buenos Aires, the best meals by far were in El Chalten. Kinda surprising considering it's a tiny, remote village that's only accessible by a dirt road. But Good Lord, the stews here could make your tongue ejaculate with ecstasy. After getting pummeled by the elements all day, a hearty lamb locro made my stomach sing with joy, probably that Tony Toni Tone song.


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These waterfalls were at the bottom of a canyon. And when the winds died down, they were all you could hear for miles.


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One day some beavers got bored and decided to build this path so that hikers wouldn't get mud on their shoes. Granted, beavers don't live in Patagonia, so I can only assume they flew down here.


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In order to cross this river next to Laguna Torre, you had to use this rope "bridge." I'm only making it look like I attempted to cross to impress my mom.


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These green parakeets didn't seem to fear humans, which made it all the more easier for us to catch and rape them.


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This boulder had three different colored fungi growing on it like some kind of rock AIDS. Rock AIDS is pretty.


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I was clearly impressed with the size of this tree's vagina.


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The winds had twisted, bent, and sculpted the trees of the mountains into these exaggerated, dramatic shapes. The leaves here are all tiny as well, so that they don't get blown off as easily. The end result is that they turn into giant bonsai ... which would technically make them trees, I guess.


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"Fucking clouds ... fucking Cerro Torre ..."


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Here I am doing my best Cerro Torre impression, positioning myself where the granite peak would have been in this photo. The sunglasses were hiding my copious tears.


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As the first shot of this entry was my last shot of El Chalten, I'll end it with my first shot of El Chalten.



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