caffeineguy (caffeineguy) wrote,
caffeineguy
caffeineguy

Patagonia Pics: Torres Del Paine.


Torres del Paine is so damn glorious, one can't help but sing an ode to its spectaculrosity. I didn't have my Clair de Lune moment at Laguna de Los Tres, so I thought I'd have it here. But it only looks tranquil. The big winds come here to play. They just howl and swirl around inside that giant granite bowl. You can't hear yourself think and even walking is tricky.


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Still singing ... or am I? Note to self: When posing in front of majestic mountain, do not pick teeth with tongue.


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Paine Massif. Not surprisingly this is the current wallpaper on my PC.


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The guanaco are the taller, thinner cousins of llamas. Llamas would also like to point out that the guanaco are also dumber and significantly whore-ier.


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After several days of sun and no rain, the weather turned into shit almost instantly. That's Patagonia for you. This is what happens when the winds hit 70 miles per hour. So when I got to Grey Lake, the winds had shoved all the icebergs almost out of sight, and Grey Glacier was completely concealed. I'd already seen glaciers and icebergs, so it wasn't a big deal. At least I got to skip stones.


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Paine (pronounced "pine-ay"). Fuck, I wish I had a nicer camera. And sensuous lips. And an Aston Martin Vanquish.


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Vic headed back to LA after El Chalten, so I was solo in Torres del Paine. There aren't any towns in the area, and the hotel had no Internet or TV. My only source of entertainment was a glass of scotch and a book. With the new moon, at night it looked like our hotel was a space station. A space station that charged $45 for an average buffet dinner. That is the worst thing about being stuck in the middle of nowhere - getting your wallet raped by Chileans.


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A hotel that was even more isolated than mine. I shudder to think how much these bastards charged for dinner.


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At least the view from my room was pretty good. At dusk, after a long day of hiking, I'd lay on my bed, alternately reading "A Confederacy of Dunces" (Wish the guy hadn't killed himself before his book was published. Always wondered if the story was semi-autobiographial.) and watching the clouds drift silently over this mountain.


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This was the most brutal hike of my trip - getting there was almost entirely uphill, for four hours. I'm not much of a hiker to begin with - hell, I hadn't seriously exercised period in nine months. So needless to say, I was constantly on the verge of perishing. As I was by myself, I had to use the self-timer on the camera for this pic. I was in such a hurry to make it look like I was casually crossing the bridge that my left foot slipped into the stream. Hence the facial expression of "Motherfacker, this water is cold!"


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While on the hike I took a photo of this pretty parasite. These things look like Christmas ornaments and are found on the branches of many trees in Torres del Paine. They look happy and cute, but they continuously suck the life out of their hosts until they are dead, much like children.


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The most arduous part of the trek was the last leg, which involved climbing up this steep, massive wall of boulders - some of which were as big as Escalades. The hikers below quickly took cover just as I began hurling rocks at them, bellowing "No one but me shall conquer this wall of boulders! I am an unnaturally powerful man!"


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The hike was worth it though. Ladies and gentlemen, the towers of Torres del Paine.


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Thank God this is a silhouette, because I am thoroughly drenched with sweat and actually crying a little. I really need to join a gym.


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Paine Massif from another angle. This lake wasn't milky because of glacier water - it was choked with salt.


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For a short waterfall, this one sure had a lot of fury. Would fit in perfectly at an Asian club.


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Yet another waterfall photo. This one had reptilian qualities.


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Not really a waterfall, more like a tilted stream.


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So long, Chile. Back I go to Argentina.



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