In a Colombian town named San Antero, they celebrate the Donkey Festival. The four-day carnival celebrates man's love for donkeys. Not "Thank you for pulling my cart, donkey" love. More like "I promise to be a gentle lover, donkey" love. Or "Screw the gentle lover part, I'm gonna donkey punch you, donkey" love. Don't believe me? Click here.
Speaking of hooved beasts, Friday night we went to Hollywood Park to bet on horses. This was only the second time in my life I'd done this. The first time, I bet two dollars on a horse because its owners were Korean and won $80. "Wow, betting on horses is fucking easy! I could make a living doing this," I thought.
Of course on Friday, as a seasoned veteran, I lost $16, because Fortune is a deceitful bitch. If I ever buy a racehorse, I'll name it Deceitful Bitch as a warning to people considering a career in horse betting. Along the same line, I shall name my daughter Genital Herpes.
But the evening wasn't a total loss. The girlfriend loaded up on $1 hotdogs and beers. Plus Hollywood Park has bands from the Eighties perform there on Fridays, so they can earn heroin money. That night it was A Flock of Seagulls and When In Rome. A Flock of Seagulls was the bigger draw - although I don't if it's because of their decade-defining songs or their decade-defining hair - but the real highlight for me was hearing When In Rome sing "The Promise." It is the very reason why Napoleon Dynamite had the best ending of any movie in 2004.
Horse racing's alright, but Lord knows when I'll try betting again. Of course, Berlin is performing June 29.