caffeineguy (caffeineguy) wrote,

As Far As Kentucky.

Lot of people freaking out on LiveJournal the past couple of days. As if they never thought they’d come across pretenders, fakers, stalkers, people who masturbate to your user pics, people who masturbate to their own user pics, neurotics, psychotics, ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, ex-priests and other garden variety freaks online.

Jesus, it’s the Internet, for crying out loud. What else did you expect to find?

Nevertheless, it was very entertaining.


Rog isn’t a freak, but he’s one kooky bastard, God bless’im. The following conversation took place around noon today at Bread & Porridge…

ROG: You know, I was thinking … if we went to prison, d’ya think we’d get raped?

CHUCK: Of course. Ed and I’d get raped probably once, but you – you’d get passed around like currency.

ROG: What? Why would you and Ed get raped only once?

ME: Because Chuck and I aren’t attractive men. You, on the other hand, you’d be the penitentiary version of Helen of Troy. Prison gangs would be waging wars over your hot jail bitch ass.

As you can tell, the season premiere of “Oz” was last week.


I’d like to proudly state for the record that I did not weep yesterday when the fucking Steelers lost yet again in the playoffs. Nor did I make that strange sound guys emit when they’re trying to choke back a tear.


There was this guy who sat next to me in geometry class. He was clean-cut. He was blonde. He was good at sports. I called him the Happy Jock.

One day the Happy Jock went and married one of my sister’s high school friends. He turned into a popular high school teacher, and became a proud father a few months ago.

Last week he mysteriously disappeared while running errands. The wife, worried sick, filed a missing persons report. The Happy Jock even made the local news.

Well they found him. In Vegas. Alive.

Apparently he was just sitting at an intersection while on his way to the ATM, and then instead of making a right, he turned left. The Happy Jock suddenly decided he wanted to get as far away from his life as possible. I’m sure many of us have felt the same urge as well; but the funny thing is, he actually went and did it. Although it was kind of a half-ass attempt. Vegas? I would’ve at least gotten as far as Kentucky.
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